Little Heathens...

i just finished reading a book by mildred armstrong kalish called little heathens: hard times and high spirits on an iowa farm during the great depression. loooooved it. the book is full of warmth & witticisms about thriftiness, 'making do' with what you've got, and most importantly - it's about family.

my family is very unconventional and has always been one of my biggest blessings - but also one of the biggest challenges. recently (in may, but it's recent to me still) i lost my grandma to the ravages of diseases caused by smoking. in a way, i am so pissed at her for smoking in the first place, i find it hard to remove my animosity about smoking from my unbearable sadness at having to live without her. i think that little heathens resonated with me so much because at every turn of the page, i yearned to call my grandma (who i've always referred to as goatie) because i know she would've gotten so much joy from this book.

i'll end up doing what i would've done if i could've talked to goatie about it. i'll scrutinize the recipes, stain-removing ideas, clever uses for household items, etc. and i'll end up employing them. the apple cream pie sounds heavenly and might make an appearance at this coming thanksgiving. the applesauce cake will come before the pie and will no doubt be devoured. these two recipes in particular caught my eye because i am an apple fiend. but i'm very choosy. goatie is partially to blame for this trait as she helped me to discover my favorite apple of all: the pink lady. i will not compromise on my apples.

anyhow. i still think i haven't dealt with the fact that i'm now grandparentless and at odd moments in my day it'll just hit me like a ton of bricks. i'll kind of sit there, with the wind knocked out of me, struggling not to cry. i started life with only 3 grandparents, so i was already at a disadvantage. i lost my dad's mom first to a tragic car accident in the early 90s on an icy idaho backroad. next my grandpa succumbed to pneumonia or some other wintry ailment about four years ago...

... essentially i cannot fathom the idea that my parents are "next in line" now. not that life is ever that predictable, i know. losing goatie has also forced me to think about who i am as a person and who i am to my family. i'm not who i want to be, but at the same time i recognize i'm not doing anything to alter the course i'm taking. i need to be a better influence on my sister's sweet babies, and i need to be more supportive of my dad - despite the fact that his politics make me want to run in the opposite direction...

if you get the chance, you really should read little heathens - it was a wonderful exploration of how life "used to be" - and how much things have changed in the past 70 years. the book helped me to identify what's truly important in life. suddenly my ipod, laptop, car, and other material possessions became completely meaningless. the value of loved ones, pets, shelter, friends and community all sort of crystallized into a wonderful mass that made me feel incredibly lucky to be alive right now in this moment.